There’s a headline you don’t see too often. Or ever.
WWE Legend, The Undertaker, was recently featured in a GAMINGBible video on how he’d handle some of gaming’s biggest names.
It’s a reasonable next step for a man who has spent the better part of four decades beating people up for a living. And, as you’ll see, the Deadman is certainly clued in on his gaming lore. Or, at least, has some interesting methods of taking people, cars, robots, and…things on.
Here’s ‘Takers take on various video game characters;
“Yeah, I’d probably just step on him like a piece of bubblegum. There’s nothing inside of me but dust! You got my special powers come from the urn, so he’s out of luck. He’ll have to be peeled off of my boot”.
Sonic the Hedgehog
“Yeah, so, you know, he’s fast, he’s quick. He’s going to stop for … chilli dogs, right? He loves chilli dogs? I’ll just put a big vat of chilli dogs there, he gorges himself, BOOM, I grab him by his little scrawny neck. Chokeslam. Boom. Six feet under, he’s done!”
“So if I throw a net, gather all the parts up. Bury him. Put the dirt over him, he’s not going to be able to dig his way out of that. Forget about it”.
the Fall Guys
“So they’re hard to control, right? So, basically, I just try and get their momentum going in some direction and push them off of something. If you’re wobbling, you can’t control yourself. I’m just imagining once you get that inertia moving in one direction, it’s going to be pretty hard for them to stop. So, I’ll find me a high cliff, get them moving. There they go”.
Big Smoke (from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)
“He comes in with a baseball bat but if you notice all the food that he has there, right? So, I’m imagining if I could just move around enough and let him swing the bat a few times and miss me … his cardio is gonna blow up so he’s gonna be out of wind. And when he’s out of wind, he’s either gonna have to drop the bat or the food. Looks like he’s going to hang on to the food. And then it’s bad news because … you got these soup bones [his fists] waiting on you right here. I’ll punch a hole through his skull”.
Claptrap (from Borderlands)
“…I don’t know if I would beat that. Maybe I’d just ride him around town. What are you going to do with that? Maybe pull out a spark plug or something? Take a wire? He’s done, he’s a robot! Take him to be my own personal valet”.
A Car (?) from Forza
“Huh, how would I take down a car? Well, probably try and get the keys and turn the ignition off I guess. I don’t know. Pop the tyres? That would be my number one goal is to try and get inside the car, put the car in park, get rid of the keys and then pull the battery. Or, you know, do something that we did back in the day once it runs out of gas. Hopefully, maybe fill it up with cement or something like that”.
Reggie Fils-Aime (formerly President of Nintendo of America)
“Yeah. So, … you fire lasers from now, like, so what if I have a mirror? Is he not like, he’s a nice guy, right? Nice guys finish last in my business. You gotta have a mean-streak. Maybe if I punched him in the head long enough that his eyes would cross and he burned himself with his lasers. But I don’t know, being a nice guy, they don’t fare too well in my world. So, if I have to, I’m sure I can get behind him and I’m gonna pull his eyeballs out and then what’s he gonna do then? He’s gonna beg me not to end him. So, that’s my best strategy against those guys”.
[For context, Undertaker was referring to that Nintendo video for E3 2014 where a Reggie Fils-A-Mech infiltrated Nintendo and…had…laser death beams in his eyes. Video games are weird. Why do we like them again?]
Of course, this wasn’t just a random video the Undertaker took part in. I mean, it was a random video, but there was a reason behind it. The Undertaker used this video to help promote recently released arcade-y wrestle/beat-em-up game, WWE 2KBattlegrounds. Because, of course!
I feel like a piece of me died a little whilst writing this piece.
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