If you didn’t manage to get a next-gen console pre-ordered, Any Button Gaming is here to help out with 8 ways to cope with missing a pre-order.
Console launches eh? All the hype. The excitement. All the disappointment when you don’t manage to snag one because your browser can’t refresh quick enough. We here at Any Button Gaming are no different. Some of us got their pre-orders confirmed and some of us are stuck in a glass cage of emotion. Whether you are after a PlayStation 5, an Xbox Series X or even a hefty GPU upgrade with the GeForce RTX 3080, getting things at launch isn’t easy. Don’t despair. Don’t give up because we are here to give you 8 excellent ways to cope with missing out on your pre-order.
Please note – we take no responsibility for anyone following our advice.
1. Don’t. Give. Up
You’re a survivor (what), You’re not gon’ give up (what)
You’re not gon’ stop (what), You’re gon’ work harder (what)
Sure Gamestop, Walmart, Amazon whoever don’t have a console. You aren’t deterred though are you? That’s right Destiny’s Child, you got this. Maybe someone cancelled a pre-order? Get your backside on the web and hit every retailer you can find that might stock consoles. Nothing online? Phone them up. Every hour. Maybe visit a few stores in person. Why not try bribing the shop worker to see if they can allocate a console to you and disappoint some other sucker? You, my friend, are a true gamer and you will not stop, ever, until you have that sweet new tech.
Flash your cash to get what you need
2. Pretend You Don’t Care
Yeah, you were rebuffed but people can’t find out. Become a pre-order incel and tell everyone that you didn’t even want a new console anyway. Take to social media and point out to everyone crowing on about their pre-order that you can play most of the PS5 games on PS4. You’ll wait till it drops in price. PC games look better and are normally cheaper. Have you not heard of Steam? In fact…YOU are the smart one by not fuelling this capitalist hype cycle. You’ll get it when it’s cheaper and they have ironed out the kinks. What idiot pre-orders anyway?
3. Move-in With Someone Who Did Get a Pre-Order
If you didn’t get one find someone who did. Perhaps search the lonely hearts columns or tinder for people that did get the bit of tech you wanted. Add an additional sub-filter to find out who is really desperate or on the rebound so you can take things fast. Tell them you love them on date 2. Try and move in with them before the device is delivered. Then reap the rewards as you pretty much have what you wanted by proxy. If you are really canny, try marriage and demand a pre-nup. When you inevitably break up, that PS5 might be yours forever. Does this make you a good person? No but who the heck cares?
4. Make Your Own
Did you not get the PS5 you wanted? Get a cheaper PS4 and try gluing some flaps to the top and bottom. Then spray it white. Slap some blue LED’s on it. Or maybe you want an Xbox Series S? Paint a black circle on the top of an Xbox One S and you got it. Microsoft are always banging on about not caring where you play so you’ll probably get away with it.
5. Get Your Parents to Order You One
Look, this whole pre-order thing is stressful. We get it. Back in the old days, parents had to try and do a Schwarzenegger to get consoles ready for Christmas. Have an epic tantrum (in public) in front of your folks and demand they get you one. Tell them you’ll divorce them or block access to their grandchildren until you get want you NEED. Once done, you can sit back and let them do the hard work for you. This might seem odd but if you have seen how many people have mistakenly bought an Xbox One X on Amazon, you can see a lot of people have hit that parent button already.
6. Take Phil Spencer Hostage
You want an Xbox Series X. Who wouldn’t? Look at the sexy black box. Do you know who can probably get you one? Phil Spencer. Get him in your basement and he’ll no doubt hook you up. Here’s the plan. Find out where he lives. Go there (book flights but be aware of COVID quarantine). Knock on his door and pretend to be a jacket salesman. You’ll have him hooked. Lure him to your van with the promise of a leather jacket so fresh, it’s still bleeding, then BAM! Grab and go. That Xbox Series X is yours. Not an Xbox fan? Don’t worry, bro – try Herman Hulst for Playstation (dunno what he likes but assume it’s something Dutch). We have thought it through and cannot see one downside to this plan.
7. Set Up Your Own Studio
A dev kit still plays games…
You know who doesn’t have to queue? Developers who need a dev kit. Simply set yourself up a new game studio. Hire developers and come up with a concept that meets the criteria for the tech of your choice. Create a playable demo on PC. Sell that concept to Sony or Microsoft and apply for a dev kit. Pay them £2000 plus pounds. Then walk away. Probably broke but the owner of the dev kit. WINNER!
8. Go “Liam Neeson” on Scalpers
“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for selling the console at twice the RRP I can tell you I don’t have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career (on COD). Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let that pre-order go now that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.”
We all hate scalpers and you can guarantee that they are the reason you didn’t get that launch console. They rip people off and abuse people’s excitement. They deserve everything they get. Hunt them down online and ‘persuade’ them to let that pre-order go. Liberate that hardware and become the angel of vengeance.
So there you go. Hopefully our tried and tested techniques will help you. Got any other ideas? Share them with us below!
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Rudy Manchego has been gaming since the days of the BBC Micro Computer and spreads himself thin with a love of retro, indie and mainstream gaming. He’s one half of the Jambags Comedy Gaming podcast and likes nothing better than kicking back with a nice pot of lapsang souchong, a good game and a background podcast on the intricacies of Spanish cheese making.